Guild Companies

What do eggs, drums, gongs, hoes, sheep, ivory, kettles, leather, nails, whale's teeth, and vodka have in common? I suppose it could be stuff found in your teenager's room after the mother of all parties, but it isn't. Give up? All of these items were used as money at one time or another. We don't usually think of money as having multiple faces, but it is not monolithic and never has been.

A partial list of our current exchange mediums includes coins, currency, checks, credit cards, and even electrons flowing from one computer to another. Money evolves with the times. What tends to remain monolithic is our relationship to it.

Each of us has a set of beliefs about money--what it represents, how it should be handled, to what degree it defines our self-worth, how much is okay for us to have, whether there will be enough when we need it, and so on--and those beliefs are seldom questioned or examined. But they should be, because our relationship to money is often a source of obsessive stress and worry. And it is also the primary reason why personal relationships fail.

Normally, parents and events shape our beliefs about money, and the majority of core beliefs are formed at a very early age. Most of us will either adopt our parents' beliefs or rebel against them. Hence, one generation's poverty can breed poverty-consciousness in the next. Conversely, excessive wealth invites a sense of entitlement and a casual disregard for money that can also span generations.

The rebels among us embrace the opposite paradigm. Children who rebel against poverty may feel compelled to fashion fortunes, while the rebellious children of the rich may carry guilt in proportion to their inheritance. Another strategy for dealing with the discomfort or disapproval of wealth is to renounce it and embrace poverty as a virtue rather than a condition.

Major life events, like a bankruptcy, a business failure, or an inheritance, can also influence attitudes about money. And, finally, there is a correlation between individual beliefs and world events that shape the beliefs of entire generations. Such events include war, depression, and runaway inflation. Children of parents who lived during the Great Depression, for example, often adopt values like saving, living on a cash basis, and assuming little or no debt. Children whose parents were born after the Great Depression are much more likely to be comfortable living paycheck to paycheck and charging up a storm.

But many life events, including a job loss, starting or ending a relationship, or changing economic trends, may require individuals to be flexible and willing to shift their attitudes about money. Offshore manufacturing, for example, which led to widespread regional unemployment, or the dot-com boom and collapse, forced many to undertake a painful reevaluation of their beliefs surrounding wealth.

So, who cares? You should, especially if you are in the early stages of a career. Because for the rest of your life you will struggle with, and perhaps be controlled by, issues that have to do with money. Should I take the job that pays more, or the one that offers the more interesting work? Will I work primarily for income or for passion? What should I invest in? How comfortable am I with risk? Should I be conscious and selective about where my money is invested, or should I go for the highest return? How much is enough? And what should I do with the money I earn? How will I spend it? On what? Will I give some to worthy causes? Or to the homeless person on the street? Do I really want to spend $3.50 on a cup of coffee? How badly do I want a new car? How much debt can I afford to carry? Can I start a business? Should I hire employees? How much should I pay them? Will I have enough to retire comfortably? Should I have a prenuptial agreement? Should my spouse and I join our finances? In our relationship, who will have the final say in financial decisions? If made jointly, what compromises can I live with?

That's just the short list. Not a day will go by when money will not enter your consciousness, and if you have a partner, your relationship may well depend on your ability to tolerate your partner's beliefs and practices surrounding money. Among couples, money is the biggest source of disagreement and the most frequently reported reason for counseling and divorce. More people break up over money than sex. When a crisis comes, as it invariably will, the ability to examine and adjust beliefs about money will save countless hours of argument, accusation, and grief.

The problem is that, since our beliefs were adopted at a very early age, they are largely subconscious. Parents' attitudes about money are passed on to children through thousands of messages and behaviors that eventually weave themselves into a belief system. So subtle is the process that we don't think of our beliefs as assumptions; we think of them as reality. So, if money is conferred on a child for achieving good grades and doing chores, a belief may form that money is a reward for hard work. And those of you who hold that belief will say that it's self-evident. But parents also use money to manipulate a child's affection or behavior, which may lead a child to equate money with love or power or control. And money often comes with baggage in the form of admonitions: "Don't waste it." And guilt: "Why are you buying all that junk?" And shame: "There are many children who don't have a tenth of what you have."

Some kids witness their parents' obsession with making money, others with spending it. In some families, money worries are continually discussed; while others, no matter how much or how little they have, never seem to worry at all. Over time the messages and behaviors coalesce into strongly held core beliefs. Money is power. Money equals freedom. Money is safety. Money is security. Money is choice. Money is love. Money is how I measure my self-worth and that of others. Money is status. Money can't buy happiness. Money can buy happiness. Happiness is overrated. There is never enough. I don't deserve to be rich. People who have a lot of money must be crooked. And then we act as if all of that were true.

By the time we're adults, we're pretty sure we know what money is all about. So sure, that it's easy to be judgmental of others with a dissimilar view, to become desperate, and even filled with fear, doubt, and self loathing when our financial situation changes. The best way to avoid conflict and meltdowns over money is to understand the source of your beliefs and to determine if they still serve you. Start by examining your family's story about money. What did your family believe and what beliefs drive you when it comes to the acquisition, management, and disposition of wealth?

The good news is that it's all made up. All of it. It's all true, and it's all invention. Some people worry about money for a lifetime, without much reason; others focus their energy on living, and trust that the money will be there when they need it. When these people meet, they look at each other and one sees needless angst and the other sees irresponsibility. Both are right, and both are wrong. The point is, your life is a hard-copy of your beliefs. If your current beliefs don't work for you--if either having or not having enough money makes you miserable--adopt other beliefs.

True, most of us either wouldn't or couldn't afford to work without the promise of a paycheck. We work for that precious piece of paper (our check), which we trade for other pieces of paper (currency), and by cultural trance, mutual agreement, or government dictate, we all pretend that those pieces of paper have intrinsic value, when in fact they're probably less valuable than whale's teeth.

And what twisted outcomes our beliefs have created. Some people work without pleasure their entire lives, just for the money. They obsess over it, squander enormous amounts of time and energy worrying about it, invest it, and spend more time and energy worrying about their investments. Some hide it from their spouses; others steal it, and even kill for it. Almost everyone keeps their financial situation a tightly held secret, for fear that others will either judge them or somehow threaten what they have. Those obliged to be transparent about their financial condition, like corporations, often create elaborate frauds to conceal money or to pretend they have earned more of it than they have. Some believe money is the root of all evil, others that the want of money is the root of all evil.

My belief is that money represents life energy and that is the source of its value. As long as I have life energy and a passion to direct it, the money will follow.

But maybe the wisest belief about money came from Woody Allen, who said that money is better than poverty, but only for financial reasons.